eBooks are great: they're convenient, fast, and enable you to carry an entire library around in your pocket. But there's at least one way that paper books can do which ebooks can't and that is tell everyone around you what you're reading. Thanks to the Onion, that's no longer an issue.
America's best news source has just posted a profile of the new Kindle Flare. This fictional Kindle features a backlight screen and a speaker which loudly and repeatedly proclaims whatever high brow title you are reading at the moment. Its features include an optional French accent for reading French titles and a bookshelf mode where the Flare lists all of the books in your Kindle account.
The Kindle Flare is Amazon's answer to the iPad, which shipped with the option to have it quietly declare "I have an iPad" repeatedly.