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Best Spam Comment – EVAR

I’ve been running this blog for just over 2 years now and in that time I have had to deal with over 121 thousand spam comments. I use Akismet to filter the comments so it’s never been a serious issue, but like any blogger spam has always been a hassle.

But I’ve never commented on the spam before because it’s a problem everyone has and because for the most part it is just crap. But today I got 3 pieces of spam, all from the same spambot, that are so funny that they rise to the level of art. I wanted to share them so you too could get a giggle out of them.

The first couple are rather ordinary. I would say that they’re more weird than anything.

After having lost my son on account of a unbelievable scene including a apoplectic frenchman your advice has made me to see the brighter side of life, i owe you one

After having lost my lizard on account of a unlikely event with a apoplectic bit of cosmic radiation your ramblings has made me to reconsider changing my lifestyle, you’re a great guy

But the third one is one of the most bizarre things I have ever read. It is strange on a level that few can achieve. It is so bizarre and hilarious that I would be proud to claim it as my own work, I admire it that much.

After having gained a daughter on account of a freak affair with a apoplectic french fry your troubles has inspired me to reconsider changing my potato, ,the monkeys will find you and when they do, it won’t be pretty

Could someone tell me what the hell an "apoplectic french fry" is and where you can get it? Inquiring minds want to know.

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digital reader fan April 18, 2012 um 11:58 am

"apoplectic french fry" in google images was no luck. Then just "apoplectic" showed some angry faces. French fry could be slang for small person. In short, pun, maybe angry short person?

Eric April 18, 2012 um 12:25 pm

It is as a beautiful and terrifying hybrid of the Surrealist Compliment Generator ( and the @Horse_ebooks Twitter account. Tristam Tzara would be proud of that Spambot.

Robert Nagle April 18, 2012 um 12:45 pm

Related: I wrote a piece about spam poetry a while back.

One thing I realized recently is that a large amount of spam is written and submitted by actual people (being paid to get through captcha). A large amount of spam these days appear at first glance to be logical and coherent — but talking about complete nonsense.

Nate Hoffelder April 18, 2012 um 4:12 pm

It seems like most of my spam comes from spambots. I see 8 or 10 similar spam comments at a time.

Tyler April 18, 2012 um 5:58 pm

I don’t know what an apoplectic french fry but do you know what they put on them in Holland instead of ketchup. Mayonnaise. I’ve seen ’em do it, man. They fuckin' drown ’em in that shit.

Nate Hoffelder April 18, 2012 um 7:03 pm

That would certainly make me apoplectic, yes.

Paul April 18, 2012 um 6:15 pm

Awesome spam comments. Normally when I come to your blog, it’s to read the latest in the world of ebooks, but today I got some laughs, too. 🙂 Many thanks. The SCG is great, Eric. It looks like something to help pass the night shift by when I’m next on it.

Esmeralda April 18, 2012 um 9:16 pm

The monkeys will find you. The monkeys will find all of us.

And it won’t be pretty.

Tyler April 19, 2012 um 1:34 am

See, Planet of the Apes is true!

Hussman April 19, 2012 um 8:17 am

i don’t know about the rest of you, but this article made me reconsider my life. Now I just need to find some french fries and avoid monkeys.

Lynne April 19, 2012 um 8:38 am

I welcome my new apoplectic french fry-eating monkey overlords…

That last spam kinda seems like a mad libs gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Don April 22, 2012 um 12:04 pm

I’ve started collecting the best examples of comment spam and have a few that I enjoy enormously, but these seem to be on a whole new level of surreality. ( if you’re interested)

You must be very proud.

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