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Kindles Are Bad Because They Can Limit Your Sex Life

946977733_bb075e0474_bOver the past 6 years I have heard some ridiculous objections to ereaders, including that books smell and feel better in your hands, but today I came across a post which takes the cake.

Writing for, Kate Hakala argues that books are better than ereaders because books create opportunities for hooking up.

No, seriously:

As more and more people opt for e-readers rather than paperbacks, the chances for people to connect over them dwindle. Not only are book readers sexy (just take the viral Instagram account Hot Dudes Reading), we also draw all sorts of flattering conclusions about people’s book choices and use those choices to connect. Books are a natural pick-up line, an easy entryway to understanding someone’s interests, passions and even biases.

"Two weeks ago I went to a show and told the woman next to me that she was reading one of my favorite books — Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides. We sat next to each other and talked a bunch. When my date went to the bathroom, she gave me a very friendly and welcomed third degree. 'Is he your boyfriend? How many times have you gone out with him?'" Emily*, 27, told Mic. The conversation soon turned to polyamory, as the woman tested the waters of a possible threesome with Emily and her date.

"I once lent a play on the train to a man who was interested in it," Vanessa, 26, told Mic. "He’d always wanted to read another Cormac McCarthy. He asked me about it, I tucked my number in the jacket and passed it over."

I feel so stupid.

I’m a 36-year-old man, and for all of my adult life I thought books existed to be read, not as an excuse to hit on chicks. I can’t believe how I have wasted my life, choosing books because I liked the author or story and not because they created opportunities to get laid.

But never mind the past; now that I am aware of the books-as-sexual-plumage idea, I’m going to grab my copy of the 2014 federal budget and head to the local bar.

Or should I choose a different book, do you think?

images by silver

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Name (required) May 19, 2015 um 4:16 am

Here where I live a joke has been making rounds recently.
They asked 100 men why they have no girlfriend:
4% – not interested in girls
5% – too shy around girls
6% – too geeky and can find no girl that would be interested in them
80% – "wife does not allow me to have a girlfriend" 😉

See – no Kindles mentioned

Fahirsch May 20, 2015 um 8:15 am

The Kindles? The missing 5% ?

Juli Monroe May 19, 2015 um 12:23 pm

While I generally avoid giving dating advice, since you asked, Nate, I’d suggest a different tome. 😉

Here’s the irony. Assuming you are already in a relationship, a Kindle has quite the opposite effect. Apparently reading romances increases a woman’s libido. (Not admitting anything here, you understand.) Since no one knows what you’re reading on a Kindle, women are more likely to read more romances. Do the math.

Seriously, I do not understand why Kindles are not marketed more to men as Valentine’s Day gifts for their girlfriends/wives.

Brandy May 19, 2015 um 1:25 pm

Alternate headline: Ladies, a owning a Kindle will decrease the odds of creepy guys talking to you! Buy three! Maybe an iPad too!

Juli Monroe May 19, 2015 um 1:48 pm

A Kindle or tablet seems to increase the odds of creepy guys talking to me. I think the entire article concept is totally bogus.

Oh yeah, and if you are going to read…err…questionable content on your Kindle, remember what you are reading and don’t hand it to that "nice person who wants to see what an ebook looks like." Speaking from experience here. 🙂

Nate Hoffelder May 19, 2015 um 3:18 pm

" I think the entire article concept is totally bogus."

I think it may have been intended as a joke. That’s how I would have written it, anyway.

DSpider May 19, 2015 um 1:45 pm

You really need an excuse to talk to a woman these days? Just do the sensible "modern" thing and stalk her on Facebook.

Michael W. Perry May 19, 2015 um 2:44 pm

Quote: "A Kindle or tablet seems to increase the odds of creepy guys talking to me. I think the entire article concept is totally bogus."

If you want to keep creepy guys away, try fake buck teeth, particularly ones that look like decaying teeth. A jokester I used to know liked to ride buses with them. She’d try very aggressively to get a guy’s attention. They’d run away. She thought that was hilarious.

Someone might also want to create a reverse breath mint. One that has a terrible, rotting, toilet smell to it. Ideally, it’d either be very short-lasting or easily reversed. It’d be great for those who have to travel to work via bus. Breath once on the creep and he would move on.

Yet another female friend of mine swore that acting really weird would scare guys off, weird and in "why isn’t she in a mental hospital?"

And if you just want to be left alone and not hassled by any guy at all, pretend to be reading this book:

A perfect turn-off, but only in the hardcover version with the slip cover. The Kindle version won’t do.

The advantage of the last option is that, if a really interesting guy boards the bus, you can always toss the book under your seat.

puzzled May 19, 2015 um 5:46 pm

Well, as Mae West said: Is that a Kindle in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Nate Hoffelder May 20, 2015 um 11:13 am

Why yes, it is a Kindle in my pocket.

Los eReaders pueden limitar tu vida sexual May 20, 2015 um 4:06 am

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